I lost track of time during my new life in Shenzhen, failing
to share my words for more than 500 days. For some reason, however, I knew
today would be different as I ventured outside. With so many traveling home for
the New Year, open-air markets once again hosted my pleasurable afternoon
stroll. I marveled at the aromas of seasoned meats, dumplings, live poultry,
fresh vegetables, and the sites of ornate silk garments, handbags, DVDs, and an
odd assortment of children’s toys. The merchants always peddle their
collections for purchase at reasonable prices. I was close to completing the
day’s third voyage through Luohu when I saw her.
How many moments passed before my eyes turned away? A single?
A thousand? For the very first time, I resisted that pull towards the one
person I desired.
Even as my heart yearned to run back and scour the
marketplace, dark memories gathered to remind me of what our future guaranteed.
What will would be victorious against What should be. I purchased
two fresh lotus roots and made my way home.
“Why did you stare so long, only to turn and run away?” Her
voice did not startle me, for destiny will always press the inevitable. I
continued to walk but slowed my pace; her stride was much shorter than mine.
“I already found the woman of my dreams,” I replied when she
finally reached my side. “They were magical times — times I would never
consider wasted or frivolous.”
I was cautious with my next words.
“Dare I let you into my life again…”
“I’m already here,” she interrupted.
“You are. But the question is deeper. Do I dare let you into
my life again, embracing everything I yearn for? Can I risk adding you to her legacy?
Do I threaten to turn my heart and mind cynical?”
“Why don’t we talk about this over dinner? You can cook.” I
found comfort with her simple words.
Is it selfish for me to cut her life short so that I may
satisfy my carnal desires? There is no doubt in my mind that what happened
before, and the time preceding, will mirror itself in her blood. If she only
breathes one day in my arms, though, will be one more than I hope she could ever
take beyond their reach.
So I did, and we did. We decided everything was too glorious
to pass.
